Behind the 4th Wall: The Psych’o’Desk requests assistance

some of you may know me personally, most of you know me through my posts on here and on Soundcloud and that never ceases to amaze me. I don’t often to do posts like this and I’ve been holding off on creating one for as long as I possibly can but can no longer.

A little background. Due to various mental & physical disabilities, I am completely unable to sustain a “normal” job.

No, it’s not laziness or apathy (ok maybe a hint of apathy but nonetheless), I can not work a traditional job.

Literally every time I leave the house I run the risk of having a debilitating seizure wherever I am, no matter what I’m doing. And thanks to doctors & their infinite wisdom, I’m no closer to figuring out what causes them than I did when I had my first seizure in the fourth grade.

It’s been making my life hell. I even had a pretty bad one earlier this week but refused to go to the hospital b/c I knew it’d only result in a hospital bill I can’t afford.

I’m starting college classes again at the end of August & since I’ll (hopefully) have all of my financial aid paperwork processed in time, it should be smooth sailing.

Except the refund for THAT, won’t hit my bank account the middle of September.

So here we are at the end of June and I have a grand total of ~$50 until the middle of September. I have medications to pay for. I have to eat. Everything you can think of that makes life possible, I need.

which is the hard part of this post.

I wouldn’t be asking for donations unless it was an absolute necessary.
here is the link to my paypal:

fastidiouslyme PayPal

I ask you now
if you are able to donate, even if it’s just one dollar, please share what you can. share the link. spread the word.

I want to do something special for anyone who donates (perhaps a poem or a song, specifically for those who have helped out.)

And if you can’t donate monetarily, please feel free to check out my other hundreds of posts on this site. seeing views on my posts does a lot for my self-esteem and helps in its own way.

Thank you very much.

HiddenPlace

i went looking & found something
something i’d been looking for

oh, something that’s been on my mind
today, yesterday & so many days before

i found what i was looking for
for no other reason than to seek validation
towards a concept i deplore

i can’t feign the funk, its always been there
no sense in being enthralled by a faux chaotic figment of lust

still i can’t ignore the thoughts of you
that float by my eyes every time a dove cries

they always take me by surprise
sets me afloat to who knows where
a place far off in the future….or before

who knows
i’m not counting the days anymore

flowerbud
flowerbud

wherefore art thou, bloomage?

The Old Familiar

The Moon set on my mind one evening

was nary a star nor body in the sky
what was once was bright
is now a strinking inky onyx glare…

Oh, how that that big Ol Light hanging up there
would light up this stubborn heart of mine

but now I’m wondering….

(sometimes old items are best left undusted
maybe it was just a phase
one of us are best left untrusted)

wondering if there’s someone out there who even cares

Tears fall gently from my lashes
dripping away on a patch of  withering ashes
my former garden
flowers… colors corroded away from their former of eminence

No sense in staying if my tears aren’t enough to water you

Josephine II

under a pale streetlight

not getting any older
frayed strap around my shoulders

strumming a jig to no one in particular

the beatniks and the part-time rejects come to stay
to watch the wonder on display
of a wild jester at play

grooving to a funky tune

notes whisper sweet as crème brûlée

words are seldom heard

lost in the sound typhoon

whisper: Soon…soon…

butterflies in hearts flapping fast & swooned

under a pale streetlight

no streetlight in particular

Source: Josephine II