Hiatus Stasis. U Can Go Your Own Way.

So, you’ve started your healing process. You’ve started unzipping your bunnysuit of bullshit and unpacking everything that is you. You’ve laid everything out on the table and had it staring back at you and you stared back at it, unflinchingly. You’ve looked back at your experiences and recognized patterns, seeing why things weren’t working at the time. It feels so satisfying to see the truth. To finally have your “Ah ha!” moment of recognition of whatever it is that’s been holding you back.

You wake up the next morning feeling refreshed, better than you have in ages. “It’s time to start living for me! I’m ready,” and other cliché affirmations slip through your teeth as you make a pot a coffee and butter a bagel while mapping out your day. With a fresh perspective, you venture back out into your day to day routine. But this rejuvenated feeling is like the afterglow following a session with your left hand and a vibrating showerhead. Fleeting and leaves you longing for more.

As time goes on your enthusiasm starts to dissipate. Old feelings come creeping back, like an ex you hook up with every time they send you a text ending with a wink emoticon. Smiles start to feel forced again and you wonder if your friendly grin makes you look like The Joker.

There is more work to be done.

The Ostrich Effect: the avoidance of apparently risky situations by pretending they do not exist, a la the legend that ostriches bury their heads in the sand to avoid danger.

If one were to really bury their head in the sand the inability to breathe would kill you off, that is, if what ever you’re hiding from doesn’t get to you first.

We hide because of the fear that we are inadequate & illequipped for the resistance we are sure to face in the future. or something like that. My doctorate is in the field of FreakPower, not psychology.

Much of my life has been spent lying in wait for in a hidden place for a Golden Ticket to snatch up and claim. Be it feverishly checking the sky for wayward owls dropping off a Hogwarts acceptance letter or uniformed officials to knock on my door and decree that I am the rightful heir to a remote yet wealthy kingdom by the Gamtoos River.

But A Ticket To Anywhere isn’t going to materialize out of the clear blue sky and wouldn’t be able to find me if it did.

continue trying to survive in a Kingdom Of Fear built with bricks of familiar despair or let truth take grab hold and guide me off into the uncharted void?

Well, when you put it that way, the choice seems absolutely sinister. Feel The Fear! It’s uncomfortable.
Perhaps Uncomfortable can be a good thing.

Start to rip off your bunnysuit you may find that you aren’t quite ready yet, that there are zippers in the back that you’ve missed. If you’re lucky, you’ll have great people in your life who will help point them out.
But it’s still up to you to unzip them.

How Indeed.


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