The Performer

Hi, nice to see you. I’m doing quite well thanks for asking. And yourself? Well that is simply fascinating, you should save that story for dinner parties! ‘Kay I’m gonna go now bye. Be sure to tip the bartender for me.

one facade to the next, not even thinking to rest

Thank you so much for calling this hotline of underpaid workers to help you with something or whatever, this is The Performer, how can I help you? Shove these papers up my ass, you say? Well, it wasn’t really in job description but hell, half the crap I do around here isn’t in there either, so why not? Clocking out, see ya tomorrow.

The cell phone lights up.

Before another fresh coat of paint is plastered by an invisible makeup team on to matcg the appropriate human emotion expected in whatever situation The Performer finds themselves in

there’s a notion of despair
about how many layers can be caked on
before the foundation implodes?

Yes, I love you too.

and what face would be underneath?

maybe something to closer thine higher self

Oh save me Buddha !
Jesus!
Krishna!
Leviathan!

*phone static*

a choir sings from above:

**”Come to me

Ravish me

I’ll liberate your mind”

Hmm…

Oh Great Whatever you are, how much more proof do I need to show before you believe I’m ready?

In this human kind, this condition, the mind can handle so many questions at once
to find a tailormade suit that fits only them

caught in the limbo

with a daunting glance, The Performer has no chance
to ponder about what could possibly free them from

Another coat, another color

The clock moves on, matter of fact

so on to the next Act





**reworded song lyrics from “Anna Stesia” by Prince

Nevermore

if I don’t think about the fact that I’m in solitary
pretend to not see hellfire in the skies
ignore the accusations of heresy

Nevermore

to say otherwise would be blasphemy
‘cuz this is the best day of my life

if i ignore that i feel half as free as before

flipping through several volumes of dictionaries in desperation
to find a way to define the deep down dark icky leaking & splashing about inside
blurring the world upsidedown, spinning the wrong way ’round
feels like a bad case indigestion at the very least.

Nevermore

for i declare

THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

Behind the 4th Wall: The Psych’o’Desk requests assistance

some of you may know me personally, most of you know me through my posts on here and on Soundcloud and that never ceases to amaze me. I don’t often to do posts like this and I’ve been holding off on creating one for as long as I possibly can but can no longer.

A little background. Due to various mental & physical disabilities, I am completely unable to sustain a “normal” job.

No, it’s not laziness or apathy (ok maybe a hint of apathy but nonetheless), I can not work a traditional job.

Literally every time I leave the house I run the risk of having a debilitating seizure wherever I am, no matter what I’m doing. And thanks to doctors & their infinite wisdom, I’m no closer to figuring out what causes them than I did when I had my first seizure in the fourth grade.

It’s been making my life hell. I even had a pretty bad one earlier this week but refused to go to the hospital b/c I knew it’d only result in a hospital bill I can’t afford.

I’m starting college classes again at the end of August & since I’ll (hopefully) have all of my financial aid paperwork processed in time, it should be smooth sailing.

Except the refund for THAT, won’t hit my bank account the middle of September.

So here we are at the end of June and I have a grand total of ~$50 until the middle of September. I have medications to pay for. I have to eat. Everything you can think of that makes life possible, I need.

which is the hard part of this post.

I wouldn’t be asking for donations unless it was an absolute necessary.
here is the link to my paypal:

fastidiouslyme PayPal

I ask you now
if you are able to donate, even if it’s just one dollar, please share what you can. share the link. spread the word.

I want to do something special for anyone who donates (perhaps a poem or a song, specifically for those who have helped out.)

And if you can’t donate monetarily, please feel free to check out my other hundreds of posts on this site. seeing views on my posts does a lot for my self-esteem and helps in its own way.

Thank you very much.

When The Music Stops

when the music stops…
last note from the last song fades into the background
the album’s spin is through…

that’s when you hear the sound
of an echo turning blue

then you feel the freeze
colder than the arctic

silence

a lead-footed frost nips at your ears
’cause there’s no sound
to muffle the splashing of your tears

Starvation

when you can never get enough food to eat bc of your metabolism & the horrors of capitalism 

when you can never hear enough compliments bc your low self esteem keeps tossing them aside

when each day feels the same as the last bc of the same old shiz 

when you’re ready to quit climbing the mountain you’re on & just fall into the sea 

that’s when you compose a post

just to see

how many others are just as hungry 

as me

just to see

how many others aren’t free